A realization

It is a hard thing to listen to your child say "You are the worst!" Through tears. 

Being a parent is hard. I find myself thinking in the hardest parts of my day "I am here to be a parent. I am here to be their mother not their friend." It doesn't usually help. Lately I have found that my kids can hurt my feelings. I never let them see this though. This mostly happens when I make them do things they don't want to do (I know Shocker!!). 

 My 6 yr old had a brake down when I said "okay It's time for a nap." To which she started trying to run away from me. When that didn't work she cried all the way up to her room where she told me through tears "MOM YOU ARE THE WORST!" And it kinda hurt.  I finished getting her in the bed and left the room. I don't know why it hurt this time more than any of the others but it did. It seemed to sink in this time, that she really didn't like what I was making her do. Never the less I continued on with my day and had some much needed quite time. 

The next thing that seem to really bother me is that my 2 yr old son, has taken to only wanting his daddy. This isn't a bad thing. It makes me sad to know that he doesn't want me anymore. When it's mom's turn to do bath time he cries, and calls "Daddy hug!" It is true that he spends every day with me, but when dad is around forget mom I want dad. My husband seems to have novelty about him. I want that novelty. I want to walk in the house have everyone happy to see me. But all I get his "mom is home." And they all go back to whatever they were doing before.

In spite of all this I keep doing all the things I would do for them normally.  One thing that does stand out to me that my husband said to the kids was " You guys treat mom like crap sometimes. What if she wasn't here? You wouldn't have half the stuff you have. You wouldn't get to do a lot of things." This brought some of it in focus for me. My kids can treat me like crap some days but you know what, even when they do and they get into trouble, I know One day when they are grown up and they have a life and kids. They will hear me in their own voice when they talk to their kids. They will suddenly realize that it is possible to have hurt feelings from a 6yr old. To feel unwanted by a 2 yr old.  I have heard my own mother when I talk to my kids. I realize that I did hurt her feelings too. Not intentionally but I did.  Feelings can be hurt sometimes not on purpose. I also know that all my kids have to do to make me feel better is say a very simple sentence. 

"Mommy I love you!"